Understanding Ourselves

Have you ever acted in a way that surprised you? Have you ever gotten mad about something and didn’t know why? Have you ever had nagging anxiety that you couldn’t put words to?
 
Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name. —- Psalm 86:11.

I love this an all-encompassing verse! 

1. Learn God’s way from God.

2. Walk in that way (your truth). 

3. Do it completely.

4. Fear His name. 

This is my weekly reminder that God’s ways are causal. 
I mean that nothing He tells us to do is arbitrary. 
It is all good for us. 
Where we generally struggle here is number 3: ”Do it completely.” Unite my heart. 
Unite my heart. What does that mean?
There is something so powerful about the words around this subject. 
Integrity.
Wholeness.
Unity of mind.
Unity of heart. 
Unity of left and right brain.
Unity of conscious and subconscious. 
Or, to get really deep if you like Jung: 
Integration of the shadow! 
The point is that we are usually fragmented. Ever since we stopped being naked and unashamed, we have been hiding parts of ourselves from ourselves. 
I am not talking about sin. I’m talking about natural parts of the human creation that we don’t want to accept. For some reason, we hide our nakedness. 
We don’t want to accept our aggression.
We don’t want to accept our sexual desires.
We don’t want to accept our need to be loved. 
We don’t want to accept our moles and unshapeliness. 
We don’t want to accept our limitations.
We don’t want to accept that we are afraid. 
We don’t want to even look at our wounds.
And we really don’t want to confess our sins. 
But all this is necessary to become who God indeed created us to be.
Undivided. 
But how? How do we put it all together?
See numbers 1 and 2. Seek the truth (God’s ways) from God. Let’s ask Him to show us all of it. 
What is the truth about Him, about life, about the world, and most about ourselves? What’s actually going on in me?
Sit still and wait for the answers. 
Then, walk in the truth. Walk in radical honesty, at least radical honesty with yourself. Why, why, why do you do what you do?
Why does that thing make you upset—-triggered?
Why do you seek to escape being present? Why is it painful to remember things? 
Why are you ashamed of your nakedness? 
Yes, it’s the fall. But why hasn’t Jesus healed that if He is your Savior?
You have to let Him. He wants to get at all of it and all of you. 
The other thing (thank you for hanging in here today!) is that it helps to compare your conscious, logical, frontal lobe thoughts and assertions with what you might think in your un/sub-conscious programming. 
It’s not that you don’t believe what you say you believe, but you were programmed in your unbelief. Sometimes, the truth takes time, and even work, to set in. 
I’m guessing my whole life will be a process of integration—getting integrity, an undivided heart, and developing automatized reactions according to what I believe now (which is everything I can see to be true). 
I sense this will be my life’s work, and I’ll need to pray what the Psalmist prayed: Unite my heart to fear your name.